The Change You Didn’t Ask For

I talk about change a lot. At least, it feels like I do. It is probably because my entire life has been about change and learning how to adjust. I’ve basically been wingin’ it since I was a child. It is probably why I fight so hard for control, despite the 20+ years of knowledge that tells me that I have absolutely zero control. 

This past year has been full of changes for my family. This past year has been full of changes for me personally. Every time I think we are in a groove, the tide changes. It is like every week has something new or changing or something. It’s been a very interesting year.

If you follow me on Instagram, you might have seen this post where I talked about how God dropped a huge realization on me. I am living a life I prayed for. I asked God for the parts in my life that weight on my heart and god provided them. All the change I was enduring was to be given the life I was asking for. The life I’m living now is allowing me to pursue my calling and I can help provide for my family. I have time with my son and my husband that I never got before. All these things I asked for and prayed for and didn’t believe it was possible for me.

Now I am living it. My prayers were answered and all these changes have been good. While it has taken me a while to adjust and accept it. Part of me still misses the old. I’ve let it go when God made me realize that I prayed for my life that I am living. Even adjusting to change I asked for, it was hard. It was not something I woke up to and said “okay, this is my life, cool!” 

If it is hard to adjust to change that you asked for, that you wished or prayed for, do you think it is easy to adjust to change you didn’t ask for?

Absolutely not. 

Two hours after I made my instagram post about what God was doing and how He answered my prayers, my husband called me and told me things were about to change again and it wasn’t something we asked for. This change actually goes against everything we wanted. 

My husband started a new job with a new company and now he is being moved to another part of the company. This change comes with a new schedule from the one we had just adjusted to. Plus it came with a pay cut, which means we needed to readjust our budget AND figure out a way to get childcare for Little Man. 

Never have I prayed for this. In fact, with the timing, I started questioning everything I was just thankful for. I asked myself, “Did I hear God wrong?” I wondered if I was really in God’s will and all the things I was just praising Him for. This new and the change literally had me questioning everything. I felt wrong and like things couldn’t just be right for two seconds.

Then the smallest thought, the smallest voice came from my heart. “What if something better is coming?”

What. Huh?

Then I let it sit around a little bit. What if God is moving us to something better? While we are currently at a pay cut and slightly stressed about childcare, there is a plan in place with this new position. A plan that is better than our original plan with his previous position. Then, after this news on Thursday night, I spent all day Friday getting everything together to enroll Little Man into a preschool, and it all worked out. I found one we could afford, there was room, I got all the paperwork I needed from the doctor in a few hours. It all felt right. I spent the entire day running around (Little Man also had an eye exam and needed glasses) but it all worked out and I felt at peace all day.

Peace that I never feel when I am running around like that. Peace that never really happens to me. Peace that didn’t match up to my understanding.

That’s the kind of peace that God gives. The kind that doesn’t make sense. That is when I knew I was in God’s hands and I was finally letting go of control over this.

So I’m going to trust God and His Process…

Even when I don’t understand

Even when I dislike it the current situation

Even when it is hard

Even when it hurts

Even when I feel like giving up

Even when I want to quit

God has never not shown up for us. God has never abandoned us. God fulfills his promises. 

Devotional Thursdays- Worry

Worry

Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

I’m not a fan on change. As much as I think I can adapt to change and I go with the flow, the truth is that I don’t. I struggle to go with the flow. Going with the flow goes against every natural instinct I have. I can adapt to change. I’m actually really good at that. However, I try to control the change, plan the change, make back up plans for the change and even have back up plans for the back up plans. I like rules, order, lists and plans. Oh gosh plans make me happy. This is why change is hard for me. You rarely get to plan change. Even if I see the change coming, I try to plan out all the details. 

All of this causes a large amount of stress and worry. What about this? How about if we tried this? How about I do this and that and maybe we can make this work? Instead, I should be praying to the author of the change and the knower of the details. While I’m stressing and trying to plan, He already knows exactly what is going to happen and when it is going to happen. I think in my plans I try to do things on my time. If you’ve been a christian for five seconds you have already heard the God works in his own timing. I seem to constantly forget that and forget that I know who to go to when I worry. I know who to talk to about my fears and worries when it comes to change. I know the author of the change and somehow still manage to make it appear as if I don’t trust him. EVEN WHEN I PRAYED FOR THE CHANGE AND HE IS MAKING IT HAPPEN. 

I wanted to emphasize that point. Even when I pray for a particular change, even when I beg God for it, when he says yes to those prayers I still try to control the following details. Details that He has already figured out. Things that he already knows. I just don’t see it in my finite brain and I try to make sure I have ALL the plans.

For example, my family is about to undergo change. A huge change. A change we have fervently prayed for and asked everybody to pray along with us for. God said yes. We got the yes today. I’ve barely been celebrating this yes and this awesome change in my family’s life. I’ve been too worried about some details because the yes looked different than we thought it would. We had to change some things. We needed a different kind of help to allow this yes into our lives. The crazy part is, as much as I spent worrying today, God already knew the answer and knew that it would work out. I just wasted time worrying about it. I wasted time during my date night. I wasted time during conversations trying to plan and back up plan. God already had the details in place and all I had to do was be still and wait. 

Instead of waiting, I worried. I stressed and wasted time. The beautiful thing about seeing all things in my life as blessings from God is that I also see how he works in the small details of my life. So I write this today, because I need this reminder as much as anybody else might. God is in the details. He created each one of us so different and unique and detailed, that I forget that power lies in our every day lives.

Write it Out

  1. Where are you worrying and need to allow God to work?
  2. How can you remind yourself of who God is?